Eye went deep
To create some art in peace
During one of my earlier journeys with Ayahuasca, when I finally surrendered to my fear and learned to travel I went on an interesting and unexpected voyage.
The visions started with a Viking tribe on a beach running towards a ship. There was a chieftain and a small boy that I remembered clearly, then it skipped to the chieftain’s funeral. His funeral was in a beautiful long house and the ritual was Christian, however this tribe were pagan. I sensed it was trying to show me when the last pagans of Europe were eventually converted to dogma and this was when a sickness set into the minds of man.
Then the medicine became stronger and the more intense visions started. I was completely transported into them, this was my visual field and the ceremonial space where I launched from had dissolved. I was flying over the battlefields of the first and second world war. I could sense the trauma in the earth from all the blood that had been split and then it became clear that this was in fact a type of ritualistic murder of millions of people in the name of war. That there blood was used to fuel a machine that was not of human origins. I felt the souls of those lost in battle trapped within the earth.
Then I was a Mother saying goodbye to my son as he left for war. I knew he was not coming home and it was if I was sacrificing my own son. The sense of sadness a Mother feels in war.
Then suddenly I was a soldier in a makeshift hospital screaming for the nurse. I looked down and my legs were gone, the room was full of soldiers like me screaming for the nurses and nuns who were overwhelmed with the amount of patients. But the screams for the nurse was not so much that I knew I needed medical attention, it was if I was a baby screaming and crying for my Mother. The terror and trauma while lying in the bed had reverted my mind to a helpless childlike state.
Then I needed to go to the toilet back on earth, as I returned to the Maloca a plane was flying over the Jungle. It turned into a helicopter and when I returned to my mat a vision of Vietnam took over. I was a soldier running in the jungle and before me was war. Red, Black and White abstract patterns swirled around me in the style of picasso’s Guernica. I felt war. I became war. And as I became war a real in depth feeling of how unnatural it is for the human psyche to experience such a thing, such a very unnatural thing. War turned into madness, it turned into a scar deep inside my mind and it became very clear to me that the human mind is not capable to process such horror.
My body started to float up to a place in between realms. Nowhere land, a place of non existence. There was a bubble and as I entered into this bubble a sweaty man dancing frantically turned to look at me. I never thought Ayahuasca would lead me to a vision where I met Hitler, but it did so I just went with it. As he saw me he tried to smile but he was lost in his madness. His hair was a mess and beads of sweat ran down his face. I asked him why but he couldn’t answer, it is like he was partly unaware of my presence, to lost in his self. So in this vision I sang to him “All you need is love” and he twirled and danced but as I finished I saw that nothing I did or said got through to him. He was lost in his madness. The bubble represented his ego and I realized that if you abuse your craft for sorcerery it will lead to your spiritual doom. He started off as an Artist, art is a craft which he used to generate fear and separation. I learned from this point never to make the mistake of letting my ego, desires and agenda get in the way of pure creativity from the heart because you could end up with the same fate.
I left Hitler in his bubble, the hell of his own making and my body traveled down into layers of the Earth. A gray dusty industrial style landscape took over my visions. This place was depressing and full of sorrow. Three old ladies started to appear with head scarves, but I couldn’t look in their faces at first. Eventually I overcame the fear and looked into the faces of these women and saw genocide. I felt the darkside of what humanity is capable of when it lacks compassion. And as I let the energy of genocide in, I said sorry to the woman, I kept saying sorry for what happened to them until they started to float upwards out of the earth to Jerusalem. Then further up they floated until I was in the cosmos and a beautiful golden vision of a galaxy shaped civilization in the stars appeared. The women entered inside and a sense of freedom overwhelmed me.
Zion, not the political one but the spiritual place within the stars was in front of me, and it was guarded by what looked like Sumerian style priests. They guarded this place so strongly that I knew it was safe for eternity. It was one of the most beautiful visions I ever gazed upon and as I let the beauty of freedom sink in I saw some visitors approach from the right side of me. A cosmic peace treaty was signed between these visitors and the guardians. I was an observer to some type of cosmic meeting that felt like it had great importance. As peace arrived, this very thing…peace…danced inside me. I felt as if all war and suffering had ended and peace echoed through the universe. That humanity had finally evolved past these primitive behavioral traits and real peace, a concept I never truly comprehended before, was possible. It was beautiful.
And with this I was once again flying over the battlefields but this time I sent the love like rainbow arrows from my heart towards the ground. I felt all the souls of the trapped victims who had been murdered here finally transcended to the stars.
Then I landed and ceremony was over. When they asked where I had been my response was…
War, genocide, freedom, peace and a golden civilization in the stars.
I think this experience was to help me see just how effective this experience can be for those that have had to endure war. From whatever angle, this is an unnatural thing for the mind to grasp and can leave it being severely traumatized.
Ayahuasca I believe can help many victims of war, and the many veterans who suffer with PTSD find peace. I also believe this journey is a result from cultural PTSD that many people, especially in Europe suffer from as a result of many generations being lost to war. I grew up in Coventry that still has the Medieval Cathedral left partly destroyed during the Blitz Nazi bombing of my city as a constant reminder of terror, a pretty depressing monument to grow up around. That does something to a childs mind. And it does something to the Earth and its energy, to be attacked in such a way.
Art: Guernica, 1937 by Pablo Picasso
A mix of artwork created both in and inbetween Ayahuasca ceremonies…
These being come up a lot in my visions.
Who do you think they are and what are they trying to say?
“Training myself to paint on Ayahuasca has been the hardest challenge I put myself up too. But like Mckenna I accepted this challenge. I started to draw complex pictures during Ayahuasca resulting in visionary art as I was very much in the visions themselves. I would write messages about peace, the sun being a portal beyond you are immortal, and so forth next to angelic beings and psychedelic patterns. I let the medicine start to work and journey until suddenly I find myself walking towards the work place I set up before ceremony to create. The creativity that comes out is raw, there is little to no thought process that inspires these pictures as my heart is the one fully in charge. Psychedelics can be difficult, but if you keep working at it finally you get to a point where your mind is still and you can transcend the fears you cling to. A lot of artists and people in general have fear associated with their creativity. But in truth artists are not special or different because of a gift they have, we all have creativity in-bedded within. It is a vital part of being human and I believe daily creativity is good for everyone. When I am deep in my craft I am in a meditative space and although I do sometimes plan and think deeply about upcoming paintings, when I paint with Ayahuasca it is a pure channel to the core of my creativity. A communication tool to translate into art the language of the realms I visit. I am grateful for these experience and to be able to explore this process deeper. Visionary art is needed in a world that is torn apart more than ever with separatist thought. Visionary art represents a place of peace beyond human comprehension. The only thing true Visionary art speaks to is the heart of every human. A reminder that all of us are part of a living organism greater than our own flesh and blood. I have some serious concerns about the Ayahuasca tourist industry and the fake ‘shamans’ out there, but I have a deep gratitude and respect for what Ayahuasca did for me (and many others) on a personal level. It unlocked my creativity that had become nearly extinct and creativity itself is a huge part of my own healing process.”
Here’s what happened. I was born and culture taught me things in many different ways. School taught me information that the society we live in feels is important. Society is told what is important by people who shape society, often for their own benefits. I was taught through popular culture what I should be as a female. I was taught about politics and influenced by politicians what is true. I was lucky that I had parents that taught me to question what is false.
I experienced grief, intense grief and was taught to deal with it by a society that fears death. But I questioned, I never stopped questioning. In the dark years of my mind I tried on ideologies like clothes in a shop. What was reflected in the dressing room mirror was a shell, and when I decided to take my mind to the gym not all of these clothes were suitable as my body purged the things it was taught. The thoughts that society had shaped and as a result kept me in caged in a false reality. A reality I was brought up to question.
Sometimes neo-ayahuasca ceremonies that are a modern phenomenon and made to cater for western minds coming to let go of what they were taught, can be very noisy. That is because it is us who are the sick ones. I know when you have been taught how superior the civilization you belong to is, it can be hard to see the negative image to this picture. But the heart knows what is true and with some of the worlds folk medicine, plant medicine, you face the fears that keep you in the mind. And you purge this sickness that was taught to you.
Folk medicine and the altered states of reality you visit during shamanic inspections are much more familiar to the human psyche. That is because for most of human evolution this experience has accompanied us during our initiation period. Our initiation into the cycles of time we are experiencing in the flesh. All of us are free from time, and during psychedelic interludes you are reminded of the immortality we are all granted if we learn to die in peace.
The swastika is the symbol of the turning of the yugas, it represents the notion of time itself. This symbol is ancient and sacred because it is the main ingredient of remembrance, and that is why is has been used in some of the darkest sorcery humanity has been bewitched by. This symbol is found in every continent and every culture. But it is only one part that makes up the mechanism of life. On the outskirts of time dwells a serpent who represents the never ending motion of the cycles. And all of it fits into a holographic 3 dimensional Star of David. The stars points are the areas of projection, and its suns are the fixed points inside life chooses to manifest. And from these suns universes can be projected.
Symbols are the timeless language and its meanings can be translated during every epoch. It is a language deep inside we understand but a virus entered the translation program and we have been lost in amnesia for many years. Folk medicine cured me of this virus. I am still human, I have both positive and negatives. I have things during my life I will work on improving. But a peace is granted for those who dare to look. My soul is ready for death, and with that peace I enjoy life as for a short while I experience a projection in time. I remembered how to die and how to attain peace inside without depending on things I was taught by a society that made me sick. That is the very reason this experience is illegal and demonized in many ‘civilized’ cultures. It is humanities initiation period, the psychedelic revolution has returned to show people in a time when many are choosing sides and ideology…..that none of this is important. Fear is not important and needed where we are heading, only love.