ayahuasca, compassion, freedom, hate, love, peace, psychedelics, ptsd, war

During one of my earlier journeys with Ayahuasca, when I finally surrendered to my fear and learned to travel I went on an interesting and unexpected voyage.

The visions started with a Viking tribe on a beach running towards a ship. There was a chieftain and a small boy that I remembered clearly, then it skipped to the chieftain’s funeral. His funeral was in a beautiful long house and the ritual was Christian, however this tribe were pagan. I sensed it was trying to show me when the last pagans of Europe were eventually converted to dogma and this was when a sickness set into the minds of man.

Then the medicine became stronger and the more intense visions started. I was completely transported into them, this was my visual field and the ceremonial space where I launched from had dissolved. I was flying over the battlefields of the first and second world war. I could sense the trauma in the earth from all the blood that had been split and then it became clear that this was in fact a type of ritualistic murder of millions of people in the name of war. That there blood was used to fuel a machine that was not of human origins. I felt the souls of those lost in battle trapped within the earth.

Then I was a Mother saying goodbye to my son as he left for war. I knew he was not coming home and it was if I was sacrificing my own son. The sense of sadness a Mother feels in war.

Then suddenly I was a soldier in a makeshift hospital screaming for the nurse. I looked down and my legs were gone, the room was full of soldiers like me screaming for the nurses and nuns who were overwhelmed with the amount of patients. But the screams for the nurse was not so much that I knew I needed medical attention, it was if I was a baby screaming and crying for my Mother. The terror and trauma while lying in the bed had reverted my mind to a helpless childlike state.

Then I needed to go to the toilet back on earth, as I returned to the Maloca a plane was flying over the Jungle. It turned into a helicopter and when I returned to my mat a vision of Vietnam took over. I was a soldier running in the jungle and before me was war. Red, Black and White abstract patterns swirled around me in the style of picasso’s Guernica. I felt war. I became war. And as I became war a real in depth feeling of how unnatural it is for the human psyche to experience such a thing, such a very unnatural thing. War turned into madness, it turned into a scar deep inside my mind and it became very clear to me that the human mind is not capable to process such horror.

My body started to float up to a place in between realms. Nowhere land, a place of non existence. There was a bubble and as I entered into this bubble a sweaty man dancing frantically turned to look at me. I never thought Ayahuasca would lead me to a vision where I met Hitler, but it did so I just went with it. As he saw me he tried to smile but he was lost in his madness. His hair was a mess and beads of sweat ran down his face. I asked him why but he couldn’t answer, it is like he was partly unaware of my presence, to lost in his self. So in this vision I sang to him “All you need is love” and he twirled and danced but as I finished I saw that nothing I did or said got through to him. He was lost in his madness. The bubble represented his ego and I realized that if you abuse your craft for sorcerery it will lead to your spiritual doom. He started off as an Artist, art is a craft which he used to generate fear and separation. I learned from this point never to make the mistake of letting my ego, desires and agenda get in the way of pure creativity from the heart because you could end up with the same fate.

I left Hitler in his bubble, the hell of his own making and my body traveled down into layers of the Earth. A gray dusty industrial style landscape took over my visions. This place was depressing and full of sorrow. Three old ladies started to appear with head scarves, but I couldn’t look in their faces at first. Eventually I overcame the fear and looked into the faces of these women and saw genocide. I felt the darkside of what humanity is capable of when it lacks compassion. And as I let the energy of genocide in, I said sorry to the woman, I kept saying sorry for what happened to them until they started to float upwards out of the earth to Jerusalem. Then further up they floated until I was in the cosmos and a beautiful golden vision of a galaxy shaped civilization in the stars appeared. The women entered inside and a sense of freedom overwhelmed me.

Zion, not the political one but the spiritual place within the stars was in front of me, and it was guarded by what looked like Sumerian style priests. They guarded this place so strongly that I knew it was safe for eternity. It was one of the most beautiful visions I ever gazed upon and as I let the beauty of freedom sink in I saw some visitors approach from the right side of me. A cosmic peace treaty was signed between these visitors and the guardians. I was an observer to some type of cosmic meeting that felt like it had great importance. As peace arrived, this very thing…peace…danced inside me. I felt as if all war and suffering had ended and peace echoed through the universe. That humanity had finally evolved past these primitive behavioral traits and real peace, a concept I never truly comprehended before, was possible. It was beautiful.

And with this I was once again flying over the battlefields but this time I sent the love like rainbow arrows from my heart towards the ground. I felt all the souls of the trapped victims who had been murdered here finally transcended to the stars.

Then I landed and ceremony was over. When they asked where I had been my response was…

War, genocide, freedom, peace and a golden civilization in the stars.

I think this experience was to help me see just how effective this experience can be for those that have had to endure war. From whatever angle, this is an unnatural thing for the mind to grasp and can leave it being severely traumatized.

Ayahuasca I believe can help many victims of war, and the many veterans who suffer with PTSD find peace. I also believe this journey is a result from cultural PTSD that many people, especially in Europe suffer from as a result of many generations being lost to war. I grew up in Coventry that still has the Medieval Cathedral left partly destroyed during the Blitz Nazi bombing of my city as a constant reminder of terror, a pretty depressing monument to grow up around. That does something to a childs mind. And it does something to the Earth and its energy, to be attacked in such a way.



Art: Guernica, 1937 by Pablo Picasso